


The Child

by Paycheckgurl



Series: Torchwood Bingo 2020 Fics [4]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Torchwood
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Big Finish after interview inspired, Doctor Who References, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, M/M, Sarah Jane adventures references, Untitled the Dog, ianto is the responsible one in this relationship, they/them pronouns for oc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:01:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26268424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paycheckgurl/pseuds/Paycheckgurl
Summary: Jack has a habit of bringing home strays. This time Ianto tries to put his foot down.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Series: Torchwood Bingo 2020 Fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897720
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49
Collections: Torchwood Fan Fests: Bingo Fest 2020





	The Child

**Author's Note:**

> AU: Everybody Lives. 
> 
> (It’s sad that “everybody lives” is a full on AU for this show, but such is canon)
> 
> Fills the “Kids” and “AU” Spaces on my Bingo Card.
> 
> Special thanks to ILikeStopWatches for the Beta read.

Jack and Ianto’s flat was very particularly maintained — thanks to Ianto’s pernickety tendencies. There was not a sofa cushion out of place, and carefully placed antiques and glass knickknacks lined the wall (many of them hiding ‘borrowed’ alien tech that had found its way out of the hub). Despite the antiques, all the electronics looked shiny and new, and the interior was modern and up to trend, featuring light colours and an open concept. 

The dog’s area was maybe a bit more of a mess than Ianto was ok with — but then that was on owning a dog Ianto supposed. Not all pets kept their area as tidy as a pterodactyl. 

Still, the overall decor of the apartment gave off a certain vibe: childless couple, please and thank you. 

A vibe that was currently being disturbed by what looked like his husband cradling a small child of about six months with horns protruding out of their head. 

“Jack...what is that?” Ianto asked. He was very afraid to know the answer. 

“You mean _who_ is that,” corrected Jack. “This is Lan. They’re a Jorgan. Poor little thing fell through the rift today from the past, with nothing but a few toys with their name on it. Who’s a poor little thing! You are. You are,” he cooed at them.

The child giggled. Ianto took a very deep breath. 

“Alright, I’ll bite — why is _Lan_ in the middle of our living room.” 

“Because we’re going to take care of them,” Jack said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Yes we are, yes we are,” he cooed. 

“Oh my god Sarah Jane finally got to you, didn’t she? Got you into acquiring alien children. She’s on her second? Third?” 

Jack just laughed and smiled. He was far too charming in these moments, the absolute bastard. 

“There’s no one else to look after them! There’s no supervision at the safe house but us, and nowhere else to go. And you know the hub isn’t safe for kids so I just thought…”

“What about Gwen? Gwen likes kids.” 

“Gwen _has_ a kid,” Jack reminded him. “She can’t take another one.” 

“And we can?” 

This argument was ridiculous. This was ridiculous. 

“Of course we can!” 

“No. We can’t. What about Owen and Tosh? Their new place has plenty of room for a third.” 

Jack chucked. “Have you ever _seen_ Owen around kids?” 

“Have you ever seen _me_ around kids? I pay off my niece and nephew to _leave me alone.”_

“And they're great kids for it. It builds character.”

“ _Jack…”_

Jack had a habit. He liked to bring home strays. This was the first time the stray in question had been a whole child, but Ianto supposed after the dog it was only a matter of time. Untitled the Black Lab was only meant to stay with them one night before they dropped him off at a reputable no-kill shelter. One night had turned to two and that had turned into a whole year, and Ianto finally properly registering the dog as their own. He desperately wanted to give him a proper name, but that ship had sailed when he started responding to “Untitled”. Other couples tended to laugh at them at the dog park when they heard Jack shouting that (repeatedly shouting that, because while Untitled responded to his name, that didn’t mean he necessarily responded to Jack). It was embarrassing, really. Especially since Ianto was _great_ at names. An absolute shame.

Untitled aside, usually Jack’s strays were smaller. An alien egg that needed to sit under an incubator. A centipede type creature that was no bigger than a kitten and had a fondness for belly rubs. Small creatures that didn’t require special attention and could, eventually, be brought back to the hub to be looked after by the whole team or returned from where they had come from. 

A child was not a small, low maintenance creature that could be given back when they got the chance. It was also not a goofy black lab that liked to slobber on Ianto’s suits and attempt to nest in Jack’s great coat. It was a _child_ , and Ianto had no idea what to do with one of those.

“Ianto, look,” said Jack,“we have a whole spare room. _With a bed_.” 

“I think Lan might be a tad too small for the Queen in the spare room, Jack. And we don’t exactly have a cot on hand. Unless you’re thinking long term...Jack for the love of God tell me you’re not thinking long term.” 

“What else are we supposed to do? Send them to UNIT? They’ll end up in a cell and they’re just a kid!” 

Jack was being dramatic. Mostly. UNIT hadn’t exactly been in the habit of throwing innocents in cages since Kate had taken over, and since then UNIT/Torchwood relations had vastly improved. Despite that though, Tosh was still not exactly fond of them and Martha wasn’t exactly first in line to go back to working for them — something he didn’t blame either for. If the plan was to pass the kid off to UNIT, the usually soft spoken Tosh, at least, was going to have a lot to say on the subject. 

“I’m not saying forever,” said Jack. “Just until I can make other arrangements.” 

“That is literally what you said about the dog.” 

Untitled helpfully chose to plop his slobber covered tennis ball down and bark loudly at the moment, to demonstrate the point. 

“Oh that is completely unfair. And which one of us kept the pterodactyl hmmm?” 

“You also used that line when we were arguing about the dog,” Ianto reminded him. 

And it had been one of several factors that worked then too. It couldn’t work again. Not with this; Ianto had made a very serious adult decision to remain childless and he was going to stick with it. 

“We've talked about this Jack. It’s not...fair if there’s a kid. Short term or...you know, ours, long term. Not in our line of work.” 

“Gwen does it.” 

“Gwen has Rhys. A normal husband with a normal job that can set his own hours hauling. We can barely make it home most nights to take the damn dog to wee.” 

Lan began to cry. Jack rocked the child back and forth, but it didn’t seem to do much to stop the wailing. 

“Ianto, take Lan for a second,” Jack said. And before Ianto could say “no”, or at least ask “why”, there was a small alien baby in his arms, swaddled in a greatcoat blue coloured blanket. 

“I’ve got some formula out in the car. Let me grab it quick. Just kind of rock them for a bit,” he called from the door frame. 

Ianto...just kind of gaped. Then slowly looked down at the child. Lan. Aside from the horns on their head they could pass for a normal, human, and Welsh child one day. Fleshy. Pale. The baby had round checks, not unlike Ianto’s own. His Mam had always insisted he’d grow out of that. Neither he nor Rhiannon had. 

He vaguely remembered from when Mica was small how to do this. Supporting the head.

He realised the image to an onlooker would be pretty funny. He was still his usual, serious-faced self and he was passively cradling a baby that to the untrained eye might have looked like the anti-Christ. But upon closer inspection...

“You’re cute in the way babies are,” Ianto told them. “I’ll give you that.” 

Lan kept crying, although it was a bit softer. 

“Ah you like it when people talk to you, huh! Sorry I’m really not good at monologuing. You’ll want Jack for that.” 

The cries continued but they shifted from a continuous wail to various little spurts. He continued rocking them. 

He tried to change tactics. He began cooing. 

“Who’s cute? Lan’s cute? Lan’s cute. Yeeeesss you’re so cute.” 

The crying still had not stopped exactly...but the little cries were getting softer. It was...genuinely very cute. And Ianto found himself meaning the words. 

“Oh you’re so cute.” 

Jack had chosen that moment to reappear with a nappy bag slung over his shoulder. 

“I know I am,” he said. 

Ianto glared at him spectacularly. 

Jack made his way over and began opening his kit. He’d clearly gone on more than a quick grocery run to get supplies before he’d shown up with Lan then. Within the bag Ianto spotted several loose disposable nappies, cans of formula, a blanket, a few colourful plastic bits and bobs that Ianto supposed were chew toys, a tiny little baby cap that looked like it’d fit nicely over horns (and adorned with characters he believed were from _Paw Patrol_ ) and finally, bottles. 

“I thought about what you said earlier — Gwen’s coming over later with a travel cot we can set up.”

“Of course she is.”

“She might be bringing the whole team and the good camera to document it all.”

“I would expect nothing less,” said Ianto. 

“Owen was with her at the hub on the call. I think his exact words were ‘I can’t wait to bloody see this.’”

“Only ‘bloody’? Positively tame for Owen. Must be watching his language for the little one.” 

Jack let out a little laugh at that and made his way to the microwave to heat up a bottle for formula. Ianto continued to sway Lan slightly until it dinged that it was done. Jack expertly tested the temperature against his skin, before taking Lan back and giving them the bottle. 

“Look,” said Ianto. “You got me. I _like_ the kid. But, _we’ve been over this_ , it’s not fair long term. And I’m pretty sure Alice has an itemised list as to why.” 

“Ouch.” 

“Sorry, I really wasn’t trying to be harsh,” Ianto said. “Also in all fairness Alice’s…prickliness...is at least 50 percent a personality trait. But you know what I mean. It's hard to give a kid the attention they need when both of their...parents...have to, well, drop everything for the sake of the universe from time to time.”

Ianto looked down at Lan who was looking up at him with big blue eyes. 

“We’ll keep little Lan here for the night.” 

Jack looked hopeful.

“ _BUT,_ tomorrow morning we’re ringing Sarah Jane and getting the Companion List out to see if there’s anyone on there willing to foster an alien child. And _able to_ with their current job description. Actually, speaking of Sarah Jane, little Luke Smith just got engaged. That’d be...poetic. One alien adoptee taking in another one.” 

“Quite the family tradition,” Jack said, conceding the point. 

“If the team wants to come over tonight and make fun of us for being all domestic...fine, let them. I’ve already got a stock list of retorts for Owen ready. Just...no family. No Rhi, no Johnny. No Alice, no Steven. Introducing familial relationships to our new _temporary_ housemate is too formal...and also absolutely how we ended up deciding to keep the dog”. 

“I thought that was when he peed on Owen.” 

“That too.” 

“Okay, okay,” Jack relented. “Do you want me to run out and grab anything for dinner since everyone’s coming over?” 

Ianto thought a second. “We should be stocked up on groceries from the last run. We have enough to whip together a nice pasta and salad. Or we could have takeaway pizza if we want something quick and to let everyone spread out a bit round the living room while they eat and get the cot set up. Only problem with that option is I think Gwen is convinced neither of us actually knows how to cook...she keeps emailing me recipes with little smiley faces. She _actually_ types the smiley faces.” 

“Got it,” said Jack. “Takeaway pizza and make sure to burn something and leave it on a stove where Gwen can see it.” 

“Going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” said Ianto. 

Their friends would come over. Lan would borrow Anwen’s old travel cot. For the night. Just the night. 

The only problem was...their friends were family too. And in a way this was introducing the little one to the family, the very thing Ianto was hoping to avoid. If he closed his eyes he could see it now. Aunties Gwen and Tosh fussing. Uncle Owen making fun of the proceedings and pretending not to care even more than Ianto did at first — and then having entirely too much fun shaking a rattle back and forth for Lan’s amusement. Rhys and Jack enthralled in some kind of masculinity fueled pissing contest over the correct way to assemble the cot. Auntie Gwen would take snaps and post it on their barely secret Facebook group for their barely secret organisation. It would be...domestic. And exactly the kind of thing that would make Ianto consider…

No. They were not doing this. They weren’t. Just tonight. Just tonight. 

Untitled chose then to lick the leg of his trousers as if to say, “I’ve heard that one before.” 

**Author's Note:**

> So in the after interview for Torchwood Serenity, John Barrowman and Gareth David-Lloyd are asked what Ianto and Jack's happy ending would be like. Gareth thinks they get a dog, and Ianto responsibly puts his foot down about kids while they’re still hunting aliens. John thinks Jack keeps bringing things home with him, until it escalates to a cute, gender neutral alien kid. As you can see...I ran with that (although John was envisioning an older alien child — which is obviously where I veered off). 
> 
> Untitled the Dog comes from another Torchwood Big Finish release: The Torchwood Archives. Basically far off in the future, hologram versions of Ianto and Jack end up adopting a hologram dog called Untitled. Untitled does not listen to Jack...at all.


End file.
